The vacations supply many alternatives for awkward moments. Political discussions, after all, maintain loads of potential. However any time opinions differ, the place estrangements have precipitated lingering rifts, or when behaviors veer towards the inappropriate, awkwardness can set in.
Awkwardness is what occurs in social interactions while you out of the blue end up with out a script to information you thru. Possibly the state of affairs is new or catches you off guard. Possibly you don’t know what’s anticipated of you, otherwise you aren’t certain what function you’re enjoying within the social drama round you. It’s characterised by emotions of self-consciousness, uncertainty and discomfort.
As a thinker who research ethical psychology, I’m eager about awkwardness as a result of I wished to know the methods social discomfort stops folks from partaking with troublesome matters and difficult conversations. Awkwardness appears to inhibit folks, even when their ethical values counsel they need to communicate up. However it has a optimistic function to play, too – it could alert folks to areas the place their social norms are missing or outdated.
Folks usually blame themselves when issues take a flip towards the awkward. However awkwardness is known as a collective failure – folks aren’t awkward, conditions are. And so they grow to be awkward since you don’t have the sources to navigate your approach by means of difficult social conditions.
Awkwardness is commonly confused with embarrassment, however the two are completely different in necessary methods, and so are their treatments. Embarrassment is a response to a private failing or gaffe, and the proper response is to acknowledge it, personal it and transfer on. As a result of awkwardness is brought on by an absence of social steering, you possibly can attempt to anticipate and head it off earlier than it occurs, or you possibly can reply to it by making an attempt to develop higher or clearer social scripts that can assist you – and others – navigate related conditions sooner or later.
After researching and writing a complete ebook on awkwardness, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not one thing we will – or ought to – keep away from altogether. However there are just a few methods folks can use to reduce awkwardness and take care of it when it does, inevitably, occur.
1. Know your targets, know your roles
Uncertainty is the oxygen of awkwardness. Earlier than you interact in a probably awkward or contentious interplay, ask your self: What do I wish to get out of this?
Whenever you’re clear in your targets for the interplay, not solely are you higher in a position to carry out your function in it, however you’re additionally giving clearer indicators to others, serving to them carry out their roles within the unfolding social drama.
So, if you happen to’re nervous it’ll be awkward when your uncle begins in on his annual political rant, take into consideration what you need the result to be. Do you wish to persuade him he’s improper? Unlikely to occur. Would you like different members of the family to really feel much less anxious? Would you like your individual views to be heard?
I’m not suggesting that some forethought will make issues go easily or assure that nobody’s emotions will likely be harm. However it would allow you to really feel extra assured in your means to navigate towards your required consequence.
Serving dessert might present a lifeline to somebody in search of a diversion.
Drazen Zigic/iStock by way of Getty Pictures Plus
2. There’s no ‘I’ in awkward
Awkward conditions breed intense self-consciousness. That is each uncomfortable and counterproductive. By specializing in your self, you’re not attuned to the folks round you or the indicators they’re sending – indicators that would give you a pathway out of the awkward state of affairs. So be sure you’re listening to the opposite gamers within the drama, not simply your individual discomfort.
3. Plan, coordinate and be specific
Folks accomplish that a lot planning in different areas of their lives, but they count on social interactions to simply circulation effortlessly. However like a trip or a hike within the woods, generally a dialog goes higher while you method it with a map. Have some go-to matters or questions at hand.
And also you don’t should go it alone. For those who’re nervous about broaching a delicate subject, or interacting with a very prickly visitor, coordinate with a buddy or relative.
For those who count on to see somebody with whom you will have an unresolved relationship – an estranged member of the family, an previous buddy you ghosted – attempt to do some prep work prematurely. Emails or letters may give folks an opportunity to course of reactions with out placing them on the spot.
Even having a scripted exercise on deck could make issues much less awkward. It doesn’t should be something formal, like a board sport. Simply hold some duties out there for friends who would possibly in any other case lurk uncomfortably – like shaking up the salad dressing or placing forks on the desk.
4. Chortle it off
If, regardless of your finest efforts, awkwardness does strike, supply folks a approach out – they’ll in all probability seize it. This doesn’t must be momentous; it could possibly be somewhat joke, a small-talk subject, and even – and provided that issues get very determined – knocking a spoon off the desk to interrupt the silence.
5. Contemplate the options
These methods would possibly allow you to keep away from awkwardness. However take a second to think about whether or not you actually wish to. Awkwardness is the results of social uncertainty; it slows issues down and curbs your confidence.
In its absence, different feelings can set in. Having issues out within the open is usually a reduction, however it could additionally result in anger, disappointment and different emotions which may finest be saved for an additional event.
So if issues are awkward, it’s value trying round to see what function that awkwardness is enjoying, and what would possibly take its place if it’s gone.
